This weekend was exactly what I needed. A few weeks ago, I felt a longing to fast. I prayed over it knowing where I was internally at and knowing my desire of where I want to be. I had the sense in my spirit that I was on the edge of something big and that God was asking me to push through to breakthrough. In the back of my mind was the weekend after my birthday. There’s no way to describe it except that I sensed this weekend held significance for me. The only way I would find what it held was to press into the Holy Spirit through prayer. Then, one week later after initially asking God for his guidance, I opened the prayer call of a woman I listen to online and they were inviting people to join their fast. I knew my answer right then.
I’ve only ever fasted one other time in my life-that was conceiving Lillie. (A miraculous story on its own.) Not that I haven’t wanted to fast in the years since. I have wanted to, but truthfully, I never heard the solid yes from God in those moments. But praying was something I did constantly because even though I didn’t know in the natural realm all that was happening around me, I could sense in the spirit that I had to be on my face. (Many stories there.)
But this time, it was as if God was inviting me in and saying yes. What was heavy on my heart, He had answers for and I needed to hear Him now.
And so, these last two weeks I have found my love for being in the presence of God again. It brought back so many memories of the years past waking up in the early mornings and laying in my closet before the Lord. The conversations, the revelations, the dreams. They’ve come flooding in and I’m telling you I am breathing deep in the heart of God and finding life again.
When I first asked God about this fast, I knew what I had to bring before Him. It can be summed up in this: I have a story. I will always have a story now, but I can no longer allow my story to be a part of my present and future life. I have to leave it behind otherwise it will hinder the growth of my future. At the same time though lies the world behind me that God brought me out of and THAT story will be the one I pray honors God for the rest of my life.
Saturday night, I let my former life go. All the things that hindered me and the areas I was holding on so tightly to. I let go because I want to live and not just live, but live the abundant life God has destined for me.
Abba, you have shown me who you are, who I am, and what you are building my life on. My trust is in you alone. You now have it all.